1/2 Price Wine Night

My favorite wine bar, on the more "retro" side of town, offers 1/2 price wine nights (by the glass) every Wednesday night. I am a huge fan! Tonight I met a friend of a friend for a few glasses and girl chat. Life is kinda random....

I say that because I met this friend through someone that I recently dated in town. The relationship fizzled, but our friendship has remained. Kinda weird how that happens. You meet people through the most random circumstances, and actually develop real friendships.

I haven't blogged in ages. It's definitely been a random few months. I'm not even sure where to begin. Bare with me, as I definitely took advantage of 1/2 price wine night!

Things are good in my random city. Dare I even admit out loud, I'm content and happy. Last I wrote, I had involved myself in a somewhat toxic situation, with Mr. Dreamy.... only to discover Mr. Dreamy was cheating on me, and had a huge alcoholism problem. I learned tonight that his problem is more severe than I realized, but it isn't my problem anymore. My mom said those words to me the other night when I referenced him for the first time in awhile. It's not my problem, and I need to remember that.

I've actually met a seemingly normal, attentive, genuine, kind, affectionate boy.... and it's taken me 5 weeks to appreciate his wonderful qualities. Why is that I've become jaded? I feel it's some times safer to care about someone unobtainable, or self-destructive, who's never going to give me what I want.... rather than care about someone that might actually give me everything I've ever dreamed of or hoped for? I've been struggling with this lately.

We had a come-to-Jesus (forgive me Lord for using that word) talk the other night and he literally said, "What is so terrible about being my girlfriend?" How do you explain to someone that it isn't him, at all, that it's clearly me, and my issues. How do you explain to someone that it's easier to be alone, and love the wrong people, than to be with the right person? That doesn't make sense and isn't logical. I don't come from a broken family, I shouldn't type such things.

I bounced from one situation to the next, and never landed in between. I am admitting that, at least to my blog. I was magnetically drawn to someone toxic, and thought I could save him. It has taken me awhile to absorb all that I felt, and all that I witnessed. Honestly, it's taken me awhile to forget him, regardless of his toxins.

I am trying so hard not to run from what is right in front of me, and to not let Mr. Toxic screw this up for me anymore. Why is it that a missed call from him at 2:08am on Saturday doesn't scream bootie call to me, it screams loneliness. Sadly, I still care about his well-being. I still believe there is good in him.

It's not my problem anymore.... I'm repeating those words out loud until I believe it.

Again, it was 1/2 price wine night.