Sunday, February 18, 2007

What a Difference a Year Makes


Remember Bob Guiney, a.k.a. "America's favorite ex-Bachelor"? He somehow managed to publish a book that proves sometimes unexpected setbacks can lead to unexpected joys. That old cliche comes to mind, what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.
I believe we continue to grow, improve and evolve as time continues on. I've found that life throws us constant obstacles, but it's the process of understanding them, and getting around them that help us evolve.
I took 5 months off this past year. I'm not certain I've really ever owned up to that on paper (or digital space in this case). I reference my "mini-sabbatical" often, but I never admit the actual length of time. I've been gone from SF for almost one year. It will be official in 10 days. Granted I left on my own will, but I left the one place I'd always dreamt of living because life became stagnant. I was stuck in a crappy job situation (although it appeared desirable to outsiders). Instead of changing jobs, I thought changing my zip code was necessary. I was more excited about going throw the actual motions of leaving (going away parties, cross-country drive w/ my best friend). And I was eagerly looking forward to some time off and spending it with my family. I thought I was moving towards something better and headed in the right direction.
Going home was filled with all sorts of mixed emotions and incessant questions. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without running into an old familiar face. I've learned a lot about myself in this past year, and faced some demons head-on, yet some things I still need to face, as keeping silent and holding things inside haven't necessarily healed my heart.

I've learned that you can watch time passing, knowing it is going, and still not be able to do a thing about it. I've learned that my parents very often end up being right about the important things, and that sometimes it is hard to hear the most truthful things about ourselves. I've learned that king size Butterfingers can mend a broken heart. I've found that being vulnerable, although frightening, can be quite liberating and necessary. I've learned if we let people take advantage of us once, we've opened the door for them to do it again. I've learned that spending time with your nana is invaluable. I've learned that wearing a motorcycle helmet is a must. I've learned that being a tan, unemployed hippie ain't so bad in tropical paradise.

I've learned that doors open for reasons, it's what you do with the opportunities inside that shape you. I've learned to thank God for unanswered prayers. I've learned that life leads us to different places, but true friendship always remains. I've learned that I am capable of landing in an unfamiliar town, and finding my way. I've learned that receiving a card in the mail from a dear friend can make my day. I've learned that one of the ultimate tests of being human is to be able to wish someone else well, even when they have hurt you. I've learned that drinking a good bottle of Pinot Noir with my mom constitutes a perfect Saturday night.

Most importantly, I've learned to laugh at myself. I've learned to not overlook life's small joys while searching for the big ones. I've learned not to be such a perfect girl. I've discovered you're never too old to just come home for a few months and rejuvenate.

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